Eavesdropping on conversations in the locker room

From reading the above dear blog-reader/time-waster you may be thinking a couple of things right now. First of all, no I am not a creepy weirdo. I pay my taxes regularly. And second, I’m not the only one who eavesdrops on juicy locker room convos, EVERYONE does it!! Except I do it with more finesse. Dare I call myself brave for having the courage to come out with this secret? Yes, I think I shall. 

Maybe I should clarify a couple of things about this whole eavesdropping thing first. The brave purple banana does not go looking for convos in the locker room, but let me kick you a scenario: if I’m changing in an area where there happens to be a very obnoxious person talking loudly on their cell phone or two clucking hens chatting away as if they're the only people in the entire place, then can you really blame my ears for picking up on their conversation. And it just so happens I take a great interest in people, I’m a people person dammit! 

Ahhm...anyway, believe that locker room conversations reveal so much more about the human condition than a psychology text book or an episode of Dr. Phil’s “House of Hatred.” More often than not, however, it can make you completely look at people in a whole other light – I’m taking like under black light when you see their freakishly glowing teeth. 

I have compiled a list of a few overheard locker room conversations, and they're all generalized so as to avoid potential embarrassment:

• Woman who is probably no more than 130lbs super excited about getting her liposuction. I mean c’mon! Seriously? It’s as if those Dove commercials never happened!
• Woman making an appointment over the phone to wax her downstairs, then going into graphic details about which parts she’d like to be smooth as an egg (I added the simile but you get the point). BTW, the word vulva came up more than once
• Woman discussing piercing her nipples *ouch*
• Two women very loudly making fun of another woman who was within earshot

That’s all the ones I can remember for now. Here, I copied an inspirational, strategically advertised, billion dollar-revenue generating marketing ploy for you:

Aww, look how happy they are! They probably got free Dove samples after the photo shoot

 Copy right of the purple banana, thaz moi!